Peer Assessment

Becky's assessment 


Becky said that she thought my first opening was good but it their was one section which she would change because it is brief and doesn't give much detail as to why this man is angry. She liked my overall idea for this particular story and said "the tension you have created is good because the audience will be instantly engaged into the story line and by starting with this it will make people want to viewon. But i feel that you could change a section to show why he is angry and to give us a bigger insight to why he is this mad". As you can see in the screenshot below this is the section that Becky felt could need changing, i also agreed with with her as it could include more detail in this section.

Here is the section that Becky said i should add more detail to so that the audience can get more information as to why this man is angry and what the other man has done to make him angry. I agree because it is very brief and more detail could be added to it to make it better for the audience. And below is the screenshot where i added more detail to the section so that it is clear what the man is acting like and why he is angry.

I put in more detail which explains why he is angry, as it suggests that the man has betrayed 'The low' and not done a job properly that he was asked to and that is more clear from where i have added the section. I also added a part in brackets because it shows us that he is becoming louder and more aggressive. I think that this assessment has helped me because i have realised that i should put more detail into how the shots look and be really visual so that people are able to see what i would look like if it was filmed.



Kirstie's assessment 


Kirstie told met that the story line was good because it is intense, she also really liked how the story starts in the middle or end of the film because it will make the audience want to see how this happened and what caused this to happen. But she did say that it was breif in certain areas and that i could improve them. She suggested that i could add a few more camera shots and i could say about the mayhem that is happening because she was quite interested to know the full story so this shows that the storyline is engageing but this needs to show a bit more so it is less breif.

Kirstie felt that saying ' and all sorts of mayhem' was too brief and that i should expand on this because it was like i was rushing or that i couldn't think what the other mayhem was. As you can see in the screenshot above there is the highlighted section which Kirstie told me that i should improve. Kirstie said to improve i could write the types of mayhem we see, or exxplain some more shots that happen and how they show the types of mayhem. 

As you can see in the screenshot above i have changed the brief sentence and i have expanded it more also added a few more shots so that anyone reading this can see the filming in thier head because it is more clear than it was before. I am glad Kirstie told me that i should improve this section because now it looks so much better. I think now this story looks better because of the peer assesment by Kirstie and it has maked me improve this potential gangster film plot. She read it after and said that she likes it much better now and that no more changes would be needed as i have done everything she thinks i needed to.


Daniel Wright's Assessment 

Daniel said that my third opening was too brief and that i should expand on the key elements more so that he gets a full picture of the openings. He told me that he really liked my idea because it is intense fast and sharp but he wanted more detail so that he can understand it more and get the storyline. Also she said i could add more camera angles and shot types in order to capture the mood of which it would be filmed. I agree with daniel by saying that i should improve how i try to show this opening it would look much better once i have edited the parts which Daniel said i should change.

hhhhh